I thought I'd do a post, which may help other people that may be going through the same experiences. And how life has changed and how my perspective on life has altered quite dramatically.
I went through a lot of feels (can I say that or is it cringe worthy?) anyways, actually I don't know how I'm supposed to word this all. I wanted to write an informative post about being a 20 something person, erm where do I start? Okay so...
First of all, what actually happens to friends? (I'm speaking as someone who didn't attend uni). I've never had a big bunch of friends, but that was fine by me. I had a few really close friends, but when them friends go off to uni, it can be unsettling time for both involved. Especially if they move far away and it's not viable to go see them every weekend. I think most people don't really realise until it happens, that we took friends for granted whilst at school/college, because we saw them every week day, for many years. But then out of the blue, things change really quickly, once you hit that stage of moving on from higher education like sixth form or college.
Saying this even friends who went onto apprenticeships or work, it can still feel a lot different because obviously they now have different times where they may be busy or unable to see you. So let's get to my point. It can be very lonely. OK that was a bit blunt but it's true, you can't hang out with your friends like you used to. Which goes onto my next point. Effort. I realised that now you have to make an effort, both of you have to make an effort to talk to each other. That could be talking over the web, talking on the phone, texting or actually meeting up. I think until it happens, you don't really know how you'll feel. In my opinion, I think it's probably easier to make new friends if you go to uni, than in a job - I understand some people will disagree but I feel you have a higher chance of getting close to someone, as you have the opportunity to go out partying etc, whereas at a job that's a little different.
I think I just wanted to get that off my chest. I think effort is definitely key, but this will only work if both parties are bothered about seeing each other. Uni and working are very different, and sometimes the conversations can clash a little because both parties are on different wave lengths. Sometimes you even realise who is worth the friend status!
Onto my next point work over uni. Work can be very strange when you start it, just after finishing school. I felt a bit deflated, working so hard at school, then rocking into work thinking you'll be high flying when actually it's quite different. Sometimes, selfish as it sounds I thought 'is this it?'. Working hard all those years at school; having to endure some unsupportive teachers, to go into an environment where you don't really feel that you have excelled yourself, can be quite upsetting. However, this is where a balance comes in, where you have to figure out what you actually want out of life. This is what I went through anyway. Luckily for me, I got myself an apprenticeship, looking back now, this was a great decision for me. I walked out of school, knowing I didn't want to go to uni, but not actually knowing what I wanted to do. I did have two choices, to work in a supermarket with less hours and more money. Or do an apprenticeship for more hours and less money. When I left school I thought I had to just earn as much money as possible with the skills I had. However I had a good long think about what would actually help me to grow as a person and how to get experience in something that could get me higher in life. On a side note, I'm listening to a really uplifting song, you know them songs where you feel on cloud 9? Yeah? Well that's me right now. (You got to appreciate the good times for sure).
Which leads me onto relationships. Because these things can pop up anytime in your life. And like friends, this is another section of your life that is about balance. Don't worry this won't be too deep, who wants to hear that? But just things I've learnt or wish I knew before entering a relationship (I'm no pro at this, actually I'm probably the worst person to ask). So here's what I've learnt:
1) Everyone has different outlooks on life
2) Everyone has had a different upbringing
3) Everyone has different needs and wants
4) You got to be understanding (well with me you do)
5) Being honest
7) Making an effort
8) Being supportive
9) Letting them be
10) Sometimes your friend may not know best
11) Cry if you need it
12) Don't judge
13) Listen to each other's music/ film genres
14) Have an argument
(Source: rebloggy.com)
Okay I'll try and sum it up. (Them points might be a little strange but to me a lot of them small things can help make people happy!) Life can seem hard work without adding a relationship on top. One of the worst things, may be doing all these things but the relationship still is not working, but I think if you genuinely tried, then maybe that person or you need to move on and hope for the best for each other. It's nicer to end muterally but most of the time this probably isn't the case. I don't want to go into heartbreak because that's very different for everyone and I'm trying to make this about going through things and coming out of it a better person. I've just learnt that sometimes you can't be perfect for someone, we all have flaws, we all think differently, it's about being patient and having fun; not taking it too seriously. But most importantly being there. And be honest. I think I've got to that stage where I'd rather someone tell me something's up, instead of just skimming through it. You know when people say, 'you get to a point in life, where you don't care what anyone else thinks'. Well I think I've hit it. I was always one to worry, about not fitting in, not being cool, etc. But now I think.. if you don't like me, then don't like me. I always try to be nice and care about everyone but sometimes you got to worry about yourself too. Don't let people get you down. If you know you are a good person then you be that person.
Which leads me onto my next point...being made redundant (yep a very positive subject but just hang on in there) being made redundant can be a very isolating thing. I went through a phase of thinking I wasn't good enough for anyone or anything. Awful. But I always noticed that people would tell me things such as: 'I'll help', 'I'll email that person', 'I'll look for you' and 'I'll keep an eye out'. This is when you start to realise words are a lot different to actions. (Obviously this is my view, everyone will have different experiences). Just a point to remember, always help yourself. Because in the end people have their own lives and that sometimes doesn't include you. Grrr, when wiriting this makes me feel angry, but I found this to be the most upsetting part. Maybe I'm starting to sound selfish but I just wanted help, a push in the right direction. I was a mess for nearly a month. Thank god for my cocktail making skills getting me through them long nights of applying and sending off applications. Oh and my really comfy sweat pants, you were great. To make it worse, I had bad times with recruitment companies, literally ones who would beg me to go to interviews which weren't for me, a no isn't good enough for them. I literally had to get my dad to ring them and tell them to politely sod off. I found them to be very patronising. If you can, avoid them. After all this, I was actually left with 3 job options, which was brilliant but also that meant I had to make a decision, which I've never been very good at doing, but actually I'm a lot better. And so after a long hard think, a few sleepless nights, I accepted a job and thinking about it now, for me it was the best decision.
Since then things have got better, from someone who used to be negative, look back on life a lot. And literally brewed over things for a very long time. I've learnt how to be a better me. This all sounds a bit cheesy, I know. But don't worry, life's not amazing, I can never be too happy, that's just not right. But life flows, I feel I have a purpose and without all these things that I have experienced, I wouldn't of got to where I am today. I look forward to making plans and most importantly living for now. There are still times where I think 'what if' and get sad that things did, didn't happen but that's just how it is, and to all them people I've had the experience of meeting or spending some time with, that they are in good places too. I don't hold grudges or anything.
That's it, I think I've gone on for long enough, I hope this at least helps one person who reads it and even if it doesn't I feel a lot better getting this out of my system. Here's to a better me!
X
(Source: pixshark.com)
P.s Sorry for any grammatical errors (I'm sure there are a lot) or spelling mistakes, it's the content that matters really - I literally typed it, how I would speak it.
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